Ihate this house, I hate living with my grandma shes a fucking tyrant, i cant wait until im out of this shit hole. Nothing bvut fighting and bitching every fucking day for the past 17 years of my life. Im going insane i cant deal with it anymore i just quiet and peace, is that too much to ask for , and some fucking freedom.
please buy tickets for the 12th show were desprite!
i want my own place i cant take thios shit no more
i cut my hair is really short , i have low self esteam
shall i discuss my life?
lets see ummm well my school life sux, i got suspended until wednesday next week so i wont be around much there. My grades are poor , I dont really know what i am doing with my life but aging. My day consists of band work and school. Work sucks, band sucks every1 in it is ussually pissed at me for some reason , probally because im in a bad mood half the time and my opinions differ from everyone elses. Im under tremendious stress, i have to worry about work i have to worry about my father, i worry about band i wory about school and my grades. I have to drive my brother to work i have to drive my siblings both to school every morning. I am tight on money and i have car bills to pay, and $300 to pay back my grandma for prom , which broke my fucking heart. Not only did i get it torn out i got to pay for it too, ironicly. I need affection that my family and friends cant give me, i just want a mature affectionate girl ….yeah well my dreams are for other people. Nothing just seems to be going right for me, especially lately . Im just making a deeper darker hole that i am traped in. All i do is bitch about it. I just want to be happy.
One day i will be happy…..i’ll keep beating, mind as well, nothing more to give & nothing left to lose.
well i dont want to end on a sad note so heres some other info:
Im getting my hair cut for my newe job hopefully that will help out i get paid (400-800$ a week) commision and min. wage.
Our band has a show on june 12th its going to be hudge so please buy sometickets we need to sell them , thanks.
If you want a pin i have sum just ask.
For as time goes on, I realize,
I find no comfort in those eyes.
She is a home who’s comfort wanes
and i dread the sun comin’ thru the panes.
Regret has been a friend of mine
I walked your line but i crossed a line.
She is a love that you cannot plan,
they try to comply but never understand
When all this pain subsides
and leaves me with an aching heart.
You’ll still be on my side
Pushing me to start again. **
And all this building nothing stems from
trying to build a better you
Theres fractions, moments, pieces but never
falling into place like you.
Some day I’ll find someone who I
can relate to just like this
Ther’ll be no more wasted effort
searching for how we used to fit.
If we all had inside
what shows in every move you make
we’d all be more alive
Ill never find another you
Will I ever
see it your way?
Im searching for a note to follow
Every song weve ever sung will always be
different to me
Every time that i awake I know Ill be
Every breath, every sigh, every night
I stay up writing
You affect every thought, every line,
This is your song
Update….show tommrow were so gunna wing that shit…..yesterday went to rid of waste practice…there the fucking shit there insane.
by the way i got our pins in the mail yesterday if you want one ask me
lets just say yesterday was one of the worste nights of my life, i went to prom with a girl i really liked met her family and parents, bought a tux, bought her flowers, a corsausge, opened the door for her, got pictures with her, pushed her chair in for her…..and basicly spilled my heart. I got to prom and she ignored me the entire time…… then she said was pissed at me b/c the way i act(outing, talkative). Then she ditched me after dinner from 7-11 i was alone with no date. I feel like total shit. I went back to the table with tears in my eyes, and sat down and drew, cuz thats what i do when im depressed. Im never good enouh for anyone i want…. never could quite reach there expectations. So i sat alone at the table while every1 else was having a good time and thought about everything about how i was just a rebound date b/c she didnt want to go “alone”. It was soposed to one of those nights that something amazing happens and your with sum1 you care about, but i guess that shits just for fairy tales. Never have i been treated like garbage so bad. I feel like a worthless piece of shit. Sometimes , Sometimes i just want to runaway.
Fuck life. Fuck love. Fuck her.Fuck prom. Fuck Familys. Fuck my Dreams. Fuck Desire. Fuck School. Fuck the World. Fuck Work. Fuck me. Fuck Everything.
I DONT OWE THIS WORLD SHIT
PAST PREASENT FUTURE EVERYTHING IS FUCK AND IT WAS ALL MEANT TO BE